Overheard: On the Phone

Him: It might be because you've been under a lot of stress lately.

Me: ME?! I'm not stressed.

Him: Do you even read your own blog?

Congratulations...

... to the young couple who got engaged in the Billings Airport yesterday afternoon in baggage claim!! He was standing there playing the guitar and serenading her when she came out of security, and she said Yes!! It was fun to watch, and really made me smile.

FAQ: Pregnant yet? (seriously, this is a common question in my life)

-or-

"Giving You Too Much Information"

-or-

"Again, Not About Montana"

Answer: No. And in honor of hitting the 18-month mark here's a list.

Things that have happened already:
*A Pelvic Ultrasound
*A D & C
*A blood test
*Another blood test
*I've peed in a cup and tested that multiple times

Things that will happen next:
*More ultrasounds
*A hysterosalpingogram

I'm really unsure where all this fits into my life right now- things are still scattered in my brain, processing, not wanting to talk about it, but needing to extract it out of my head. Also, I have a strong need to document this so I can look back and remember what was going on this winter when I realize I've blocked it all out of my memory.

Wow, Sudden: Warning, Sad Post Ahead

So Gramma died this morning. Even harder than rushing back to Chicago when Stephan's mom was sick- I wish I could teleport home right now (I also wish my laundry was done, the dishes unloaded from the dishwasher, and the clutter on the kitchen table put away). Stephan's at work, so I'm home alone. On the outside this looks just like any other day for me... get ready for work on Monday, clean the house, make dinner, etc. etc.

But inside I feel like I'm trying to rush through all 5 stages of grieving in 2 hours. Maybe the coffee isn't helping. Maybe I've studied too much psychology. Maybe I should brave the -40F windchill and go for a walk (maybe not). Maybe I need to cry more- or less. Maybe she's sitting on the couch next to me scratching my back, and I'm just too human to feel it.

FAQ: How was the trip Home?

Answer: Fine.

Real Answer: Ugh.

Reason: My gramma is dying. But don't mistake my tone- in my family, where we find the humor in everything- this is another "story", another drama we're all going through. Gramma moved in with Mom and Dad the week of Christmas because everyone finally realized she couldn't take care of herself. She moved into my old bedroom (which Mom has kept exactly the way I left it 10 years ago... creepy).

Without getting too into medical things, Gramma's voice has changed a lot. It's a lot more raspy, deeper, think Selma from the Simpsons but slower and more deliberate. By the time I got there she was still pretty active, walking around and eating cheesecake, watching Cheaters, Judge Judy ("she's very sharp"), and of course Dr. Phil.

She's in Hospice, so there are a lot of extra people/nurses/evaluating people around the house. I don't know how she feels with all those people around- she used to be pretty reclusive. She's supposed to ask for help when walking, but for a while there she was sneaking around. The nurse sat all of us down and made Gramma promise to ask for help.

RN Cathy: You have to ask for help. You helped your family when they needed it, and now they want to help you. Do we have a deal?

Gramma: Deal...

RN Cathy: Great! Then that's-

Gramma: Or NO DEAL!

So we all laughed at that- even sitting in a chair surrounded by strangers and in a lot of pain, we are a family of humor. It may seem weird, but they've started keeping a "Quote of the Day" to help keep the mood light. My brother was responsible for one of them:

Gramma (while walking from one room to another): I'm going downhill.

Brother (looking at the transition between carpet and hardwood): Yeah, you kinda are.


It was weird to get on the airplane this time. I'm sad to be leaving everyone to deal with Gramma, and to miss all the inside jokes and stories, but it's nice to get out of there and back into my own life. It's also nice to get to hear just the distilled stories instead of sitting through the hours of painfulness to get to the funny parts. Lots of elderly people are moving in with their families these days, a combination of the housing market and the sucky state of American health care. My family is definitely not the first, last, or only family to deal with someone dying in their house- I think they're just the only ones to keep finding humor in it.

Oh yeah, Happy New Year!

I really hate it when people make "New Year's Resolutions" because that generally mean an entire nation of people vows to spend January 1st (a day I'm particularly fond of) dieting, exercising, feeling guilty, and buying clothing made of spandex. I never make New Years Resolutions. I actually go out of my way to Resolve to do things on almost every other day of the year except today. I like to take 1/1 off.

But I know a lot of people are really into revising life goals, using their bathroom scale, checking in with their Wii Fit, testing out that Match.com guarantee today, so I'm posting the following for you. I love the cat and my favorite line is, "Tell all your friends your goals. They will help shame you into following through."

Overheard: NYE

Him: Are you going to tell them about my hunting day?

Me: I don't know what to say about it.

Him: Well, that it's the last day of my hunting season -since I have to work the next 4 days in a row- I got outside and set up my little spot in plenty of time to settle in and be ready to get me some meat.

Me: Uh huh.

Him: But that when I went to scope in the area I couldn't see $#!* through my scope. I looked at it and saw that the back lens had fallen out and two of the cross hairs were broken, even though I always keep the cap on the lenses and treat the gun very carefully.

Me: Uh huh.

Him: This is so frustrating.

Me: Yep. I'll type all that.