There is a Swear Word in this Blog

This story happened on Friday night. It happened after I saw 7 clients (2 more than I'm supposed to), and Stephan sent me home after he realized that he would be very very late coming home (after two ambulances delivered his patients to him personally, and he was short staffed in the ER).

Here, I'll make it interactive... Go get two of the biggest rolls of generic paper towels you have in your house. Do it. I'll wait here.

...

Ok. Now unroll the paper towel rolls. Yeah, that's a lot of paper towels. Now, soak the paper towels in dog poo. Uh huh. Soak. Them. Yeah, that's a lot of poo. Squeeze the poo onto two small labradors and coop them up in their dog-crate for an afternoon. Make sure you close all the windows in your house, and leave to go to work.

When you get home the house will stink, and there will be poo everywhere. There will be poo in the water dish, food dish, poo in the dog blanket, and it will have spilled out of the crate, mushed into the surrounding dog hair, and made poo paste.

This was exactly the scene when I got home. Two labradors soaked in poo. The smell was... just ick. So I opened the door to the crate to get them out of the house. They were scared I was going to yell at them, and one of them really had to poo again, so they were a bit disorganized in their exodus. By disorganized I mean that they made the kitchen floor into a poo Slip & Slide brushing their poo-covered bodies against every cabinet, the refrigerator, the stove, and the door.

It took two hours to clean our tiny kitchen. Murphy's Oil Soap is my new best friend (sorry Melanie and Erin).

This story is a LOT funnier if you go back and reread it, substituting the word shit for poo, the way I originally wrote the blog in my head.