"Moderate Activity"

Or

Overheard: OB/GYN office

So the ruling on the table is... NO bed rest (which, apparently, isn't even a thing anymore unless you're actively going into labor early), but to modify my schedule and activity level down to a "moderate level of activity."

I made the doctor define that....

Me: So I can do regular things like laundry and grocery shopping?

OB/GYN: Well, maybe. Don't carry full laundry baskets up and down the stairs. Is your washing machine in the basement?

Me: Yes. So don't carry full loads? Just half loads?

OB/GYN: No. Don't carry things up and down the stairs on a regular basis. You're starting to worry me. And don't carry all of your groceries in the house in one trip.

Me: So... like only 2 bags at a time?

OB/GYN: NO! Only one bag at a time. One. Light. Bag. Seriously. You're asking me the wrong questions right now.

Me: Well, it's not like I'm going back to running or anything...

OB/GYN: Seriously? Are you being serious? No running. Maybe gentle walking. Around the block. Slowly. With nothing in your hands.

Me: Ok. I'm a massage therapist. I can still work, just no deep tissue massages?

OB/GYN: If you are sweating, or clenching any muscles, don't do that. Look, I'm getting a real feel for what you consider moderate activity here, and I think I should just tell you to stick with "light activity", and hope that you hit some middle ground. I can't have you breaking an ankle, or taking a tumble, or giving yourself heat exhaustion in the next 3 months. Just hold on for a few more months and then I don't care what you do. Or just think about asking anyone else, "Should I do this?" and then imagine that will tell you "No" and then don't do that thing. Also, come back on Monday. Morning. First thing. I want someone to check on you.