Thursday, April 10, 2014

Week 16

I should stop taking these at sunset.
My legs are not this long.
This was a week of realizations and promises. I had a super-secret goal for this spring, beyond keeping up the 10 miles per week. I wanted to run a half-marathon. I figured if it was early enough in the pregnancy, and the spring, that things like heat and exhaustion wouldn't be factors. 

So after 2 weeks of trying to extend my runs from 3 to 6, I had to call it quits. Ok, that's not quite truthful. After coming home after the last 4 runs with hands so swollen that I couldn't close them, and feet so giant they'd formed new blisters... Stephan took one look at me and declared my training officially over. 

And I cried. 

And he promised me that I could treat myself to a spring marathon (a FULL marathon) next year. And I promised to actually listen to him and not run more than 4 miles at a time from now on. 

Monday, March 31, 2014

15 Weeks

15 weeks (with dogs, and MUCH looser pants)
I've been using a paper running log since the beginning of the year. I'm testing the theory that physically writing goals down is more productive than simply thinking them in my head. I guess it's working? I'm already so goal-oriented that it's just reaffirming my obsessive need to track numbers. (See: my budget spreadsheets)

But, anyway, the weekly log starts on a Monday. A fresh page. A fresh week, ready to be moulded according to my desires. Good morning, Monday. Let's do this.

And I can quickly scan through the pages and see which weeks have evenly-spaced, evenly-paced runs, and which have nothing until Thursday when I get 10 miles in the last 3 days of the week (Ahem, last week). So here it is. 9am... Monday morning... It's go time.

Make it or Break it
Do or Not Do
Man or a Mouse
Now or Never
... or maybe after 5 more minutes of quiet coffee-sipping.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

I'll Bite Your Kneecaps!

It finally happened. It finally clicked.

I ran out a 1/2 mile, stopped for water. Went out for a mile, stopped to pee. Went out for another mile, and just kept going.... Because I felt invincible. I finished the 5 mile run with a sub-12 minute final mile.

Yep. That, is how I do THAT.

Sunday, March 23, 2014


Forgive me, Internet, for I have slacked. It has been four weeks since I last hit a goal. Obviously, there have been a myriad of reasons for the lower-mileage weeks. And I'm pretty mellow about it. This week I ran 10.5, and I'm only 18 miles behind where I should be for my yearly goal. Not too bad.

I squeezed in the 3.5 mile run today because of this conversation:

Me: I have a terrible headache. And probably an ear infection because I'm dizzy. I've been bleeding on and off for weeks, but the doctor said I'm fine. The kiddo has been screaming and hitting all day. Yesterday I ate only Doritos. Sigh. Should I go for a run?

Him: Obviously.

{{45 minutes later}}

Me: Ugh! YES!! I feel SO much better!! I forgot how much better I feel after a decent run. Wow. Thank you! I needed that.

Him: And that's why I'm not a "runner." I NEVER feel like that. I just feel an absence of guilt.

Me: Are you sure you're not Catholic?

Friday, March 21, 2014

No Pants Dance

In my life, I'm excited to announce that none of my pants fit. The maternity pants are too giant huge and fall down. The non-maternity pants are too small and fall under the no-man's-land below my beer-belly.

So I don't want to wear pants, but neither does this kid.... Enjoy!

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

13 Weeks

I celebrated the beautiful weather, and my lack of any sort of sickness today with a 4.0 mile run! It was toward the end of the day and I kept watching the funny shadow I was making. From the front I could see the hour glass shape I'm used to. But from the side... well... I started wondering if people who saw me knew there was a baby in there, or if I just looked like a slow, new runner.

The run was still pretty slow, with a walk-and-water-break about every half mile. Toward the end I started feeling extra fluid in my hands and stopped at 4.0 (I felt like I could run all night, with enough breaks, but the swelling startled me).

The thoughts that rocked around centered on why I'm not as impressed with running pregnant as I thought I would be. I'm still pretty hard on myself for walking, and being pretty slow (12-14 min/mile). So I started playing with my mind: what if I was running this pace through shin-deep mud? I would be impressed with that. What if I ran as rehab for some broken leg or foot bone? I would be impressed with that. Or running as part of a chemo treatment? Or with some weird exhaustive disease (I'm thinking MS, RA, or something equally activity-limiting). I even pictured the Runner's World article about the Dwarves running the Boston Marathon. That's SO badass!

So with a shift in focus I'm telling myself that I AM a badass. And that shadow is only going to get more curvy. And dang it, I'm going to keep going. Because I love this.

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Most Important Thing II

I started typing this post and remembered I had titled another post the same thing, about 7 years ago. It's one of my favorite life-memories.

So, with that experience in mind (yeah, go back and read it. Maybe you'll need tissue), I started repeating an unintentional mantra during today's run/walk. It was, "The most important thing is..." I kept coming up with different endings to it, and every time I thought of one, I immediately thought of a better or more accurate one (this is why I love running). Here are a few of them, with their rationalizations.

The most important thing is... keep to the scheduled 10 miles a week.
Well, that isn't realistic. The last two weeks I ran 3 and 2 miles, since Stephan put me on quasi-bedrest. So then what? just keep running no matter what.
Also, probably not ideal. If I run out of breath while running I need to slow down. And I need to be kind to myself even while walking and not get frustrated and quit. take regular walk breaks.
Ok, closer. Maybe if I went into a workout with a run/walk plan, the walking wouldn't seem like a concession to laziness. take care of myself.
Seriously? That's not any kind of standard. On any given day I could justify sitting on the couch for hours eating chips as "much needed rest." keep moving, whatever that looks like today.
Now, there! There is something I might be able to hang my hat on. I still need to conquer that old demon that tells me that if Nike+ doesn't count it as a mile, it never happened. Yoga happens (I should make that a tshirt). Walks happen. Small efforts don't mean failure. ANY effort is a success. Now... how do I make myself believe that??

The first trimester exhaustion and sickness should be ending any day now. I've been looking forward to a surge of wonderful energy to get myself back on track. I've spent the last 12 weeks doing my best, and, for the most part, getting in those 10 mile weeks, and being excited that I'm still so active. I have a 5k planned for May, for which I will be an obviously pregnant runner at a Mother's Day race. I'm really looking forward to impressing myself with my ability to stay motivated, even when I have a good excuse to let everything slide for a few months. Wheeeee!