Monday, March 2, 2015

How Tired Were You?

This morning I was so tired...

I wore my husband's pants for three hours (to the grocery store and then pre-school pickup) before realizing I hadn't simply "lost a bunch of weight in a really weird way."

Saturday, February 28, 2015

An Open Letter...

Dear Future College Roommate of My Infant Son,

Hello. You haven't met me yet. I'm your roommate's mom. I hope you're enjoying his friendly demeanor and ability to find humor in all bodily functions. He is quite cute, and has a wonderful smile, which I'm sure you're aware of. I'm sorry he's probably charming the pants off of your girlfriend.

I'm also sorry he wakes up every four hours to eat. You should probably lock up your snack foods. He's been doing that since birth, and we never did figure out how to cure him of it. I'm sure the two of you get along great, since he loves boobs and you're in college now and you probably do too. Maybe you also share a love of stand-up comedy and classical music played on pretend xylophones. It is an uncommon fascination, but less annoying than living with someone who can only study when John Williams soundtracks are playing (true story!).

Good luck with him. I'm sad to have him out of the house, but it will definitely be fun to watch someone else try to sleep in the same room with his piggie-snorting sleep-breathing.

Sincerely,
Adam's Mom

Thursday, February 26, 2015

FYI

This came across my screen today as I logged in, and I just thought I'd share it with you as a public service....


On March 23rd, Blogger will no longer allow certain sexually explicit content. Learn more here.


I apologize in advance for the lack of sexually explicit content on my blog in the future.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

What Would Amadeus Do?

I read something on the internet and it changed my entire life. I kinda wish I was kidding.

Anyhow- read it for yourself. It's from a much longer and more detailed/complicated website dedicated mostly to posture and the alignment of the human body. I'm fascinated by it from a massage therapist point-of-view, and now, also, from a "how have I been doing this wrong all these years??" point-of-view.

This is the same link, just easier to click. Enjoy!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

"Your Perfect Baby"

I've been mentally collecting phrases for a few weeks now. "Your perfect baby" is one of them. "He's always smiling!" and "He just never cries does he?" And the one that really helped me put this all together, "All his pictures on Facebook are so beautiful!"

Well, duh. I get to pick what pictures get put on the internet... and I'm not going to pick ones where he is screaming his head off. Also, who takes pictures of babies screaming their heads off?? The face we present to the world is not usually the "I'm falling apart" face. (Or even the macaroni-pants face) Of course I "look nice" when I'm at church... if I didn't get to comb my hair, I would probably stay home. And yeah, those pictures you see are really cute. I chose the nice ones.

Facebook is not "RealLife book." Can you just imagine if a camera took random pictures of you during the day and posted them to the internet?? Holy bells- that would show a totally different life. I think that's the point of all of those "you never know what's going on beneath the surface" quotes. Because yes, this baby has been known to cry for 4-6 hours at a time for no reason. And yes, he's been eating every 90 minutes this week. Have I showered lately?? I'll get back to you. But I really hope that people aren't looking to the "profiles" of their friends on the internet to compare their life and get the truth of reality.

Maybe I'll give up quotation marks for Lent.

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

New Activity Tracker

This post is NOT sponsored. I was not given anything free to write up my assessment of this product. Here are the features of my new activity/mood tracker (yes!! it tracks my moods!! Read on!):


-Makes a loud noise if I sit still for too long
-Provides detailed back and arm-strength weight training
-Requires me to walk several miles a day at a very moderate pace
-Becomes very hostile if I start to get stressed
-Demands resting at regular intervals in a quiet place
-Encourages dressing and presenting myself as-is... no faking 'awake' with mascara

I think you get the idea. This baby has taught me more about my patterns of daily living than any wrist-bound tool I've ever heard of. If I just go with his demands, we are all much happier.


Saturday, February 7, 2015

Bringing Sexy... out to the back yard

Core Work. Blaauhhhggg. I've never ever ever actually done core work. I've read articles about it. I've wondered if it would be a good idea. I've decided it would be a good idea. But in all the time I've been alive, I've never done core work.

Truth: In college I spent about a year weightlifting pretty seriously. At my best, I could squat more than 200lbs. At the time, I weighed less than 120. Yay me! But... no core work. I skipped abs and back. Because.... I don't know why.

So now that I'm into week 4 of 12 in the MuTu System (short for Mummy Tummy) I'm fully aware of how not-fun this is. And how NOT sexy the "lamp post pee" and the "lift and squeeze" are. It's small movements, little tweaks, over and over again. Core work is restructuring the supportive muscles in the torso and trunk. It's replacing the studs and floorboards of a house from inside the walls. Not. Easy.

All I want to do is run again. So maybe this is perfect motivation to actually finish the program. I want my shoes back. My sweat. My counting mile after mile. And a t-shirt. I really need a new "free" tshirt.