Best. Parenting. Advice. Ever.

"Honey, I was listening to the radio, I don't know what station, I can't tell what the stations are on this radio, just that it was 100-something FM or maybe 89-something AM. But anyway, this man who was talking started talking about the things the president is doing, and isn't doing, and he was proving it with facts, not just words, but facts about what is really going on and how he's ruining our country, and all of those other things, and then he said that all the kids today are fussy and hyper because their parents make them listen to all the terrible music that's on the radio today, instead of the classical music that people used to listen to all the time in the old days, but then I thought, no, not Anna, I bet she makes that baby listen to the good classical music and not all that radio music, and that's why I called you to find that out."

So we're listening to classical music today.

Because... facts.

Overheard: Church Parking Lot

Sawyer: Hey, those tires are cool!

Him: Yeah, you can say that the car is pimped out.

Me: No! You can't teach him that. Especially on the way into church!!

Sawyer: Pimped out? Can we drive that car?

Him: YEAH!! Then we'd be big pimpin'!!!!

Me: NOOOOOO!!!

Sawyer: Big Pimpin'!! Big Pimpin'!! Big Pimpin'!!

Macaroni Pants

That's the punch line. Here's the joke:

Tuesday night we went to dinner and took Sawyer's leftover macaroni and cheese to-go in a small cardboard box. As we drove along after that, Adam got hungry and we had to stop in a parking lot for me to hop into the back of the car to nurse him. Not thinking, I sat on the box of mac and cheese- smashing it- and spilling it all over.

Today (Thursday) I was putting my clothes back on after my 6-week postpartum checkup and realized that I'd worn the [unwashed] Macaroni Pants all day. Was my shirt long enough to cover my butt? No, it was not. Was I wearing a jacket that might have covered my butt? No, I was not. Was I walking around a mall shopping? Yes. Was I prancing around the doctor's office showing off a baby? Yes, yes I was.

And was I still wearing those pants 6 hours later when my husband gently suggested it was time I change clothes and.... just maybe... put the pants in the laundry basket?

Yes. Yes I was.

Eat the Ice Cream for Breakfast

Pregnancy changes a lot of things about appetite. But that makes sense- you're growing a human. And gaining weight is an expected part of pregnancy. They go together. Eat more, get bigger. It's pretty much the point of the whole thing.

And then the baby comes out. And a lot of things change. They don't necessarily change back, but they change. Physically, all bets are off. If you look up the caloric requirements of pregnancy versus breastfeeding (oh, yeah, I'm doing that), you'll see that pregnancy requires an extra 300 calories, and breastfeeding requires about 500!!

So now I'm weirdly losing weight (in a good way) and eating more (in a weird way) and having food cravings more than I've ever had in my life. But it's a craving only for sugar and chocolate. So I've pillaged my freezer and cabinets, and maybe even found some old Easter candy. Once I ate through all the sugar and chocolate we had stocked in the house, I started doing really weird things to satisfy these cravings: eating chocolate chips out of the bag, making Dreamwhip and eating it, making vanilla pudding and adding pumpkin pie filling (ew!!). After witnessing these culinary machinations for the last few days, Stephan came home with ice cream.

He brought my favorite ice cream: AmeriCone Dream. And I ate some. And I slept well.

So now it's the next morning, and I'm thinking that maybe I should just give in immediately to the ice cream and have it for breakfast. I'll let you know how it goes.

(Also, my 6 week postpartum checkup is Thursday- here's hoping for the all-clear to start running agin!!)

Fhuwah?

I had a baby 5 weeks ago tonight (actually, as I write this, it was exactly 5 weeks ago that my water broke, and three hours later, on September 13th, a baby came out). It was incredible. It was amazingly fast, amazingly intense, and amazingly amazing.

And that was the last time I remember seeing the world clearly. Adam was born at 12:45am. Stephan and I slept that morning from about 4am-6am. And I haven't gotten more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep since then. It's really my only complaint at this point.

We have an adorable, perfectly healthy, baby boy!! Sawyer is thrilled. Heck, even the dogs like him! I'm exclusively nursing right now, which is another miracle. Honestly, everything about having a baby is mind-blowing. I just grew a human. In my body. And he's cute! And all he drinks is milk. Can you stand it? Isn't that nuts?

Also, have I mentioned the sleep deprivation? And with the lack of sleep comes a constant bouncing/rocking because Adam has a touch of colic. But only from 7pm-6am. Ha! I was joking with Stephan that I needed to write an email, but the computer refused to bounce with me. I ended up typing it one-handed on my phone.

Most of the bouncing we do on a balance ball. It's the best invention for baby soothing ever!! With bonus core work for me (for a few minutes at a time- I get achy quickly).

So that's my world right now. Eat, poop, feed, bounce, make a vague attempt at sleep. I'm completely jonesing for a run- but that's out of the question until I get checked on by the doc, and my pelvis stabilizes in my body... it's really just sloshing around in there right now.

And... bonus baby picture!!