"What did you think was going to happen?"

-or-

Why I'm still running.

-or-

Overheard: In the Doctor's Office




Dr: So what brings you in today?

Me: Well I'm training for a marathon... and this week I'm having really bad pain down my legs, low back pain, my heart is palpating a lot, and I'm really tired all the time.

...
25 minutes later
...

Dr: So you're training for a marathon?

Me: Yep.

Dr. Well, what did you think was going to happen? Your body hurts, your heart is working harder, and you're burning a ton of calories. Your labs look great, your heart is perfect. Go home. Good luck in April.



Later that day I ran 5 miles. The next day I ran 6.2. And through both of them I just kept thinking, "I don't want to do this anymore." I've run 14 miles. In a row. I can run. I'm a runner. Why do I need to push and finish the whole 26?? Why hurt my body like this? Why? Why? Why?

After a few days thinking about it, I talked to Stephan about it. He turned to look at me and pretty much told me I don't have an option. I dragged him into this- he's stuck with it- he didn't give up last week- so I don't get to give up this week.

We have 3 more weeks of hard-core training. That's 8 more tough runs. 16, 18, 20 are my last long runs. So... now I'm in this for Stephan. He won't let me quit. Which is what I needed right now.

What happens when you STOP?

I'm sidelined again today. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. It would have been an awesome day to run. I have to wait for a doctor's appointment in the morning to see what I get to do now. At the moment I'm battling something that feels like low blood pressure symptoms. I'm sure it's no big deal, but it'll be good to get checked out.

BUT I WANT TO RUN!!!

It's like I'm itchy. My muscles are twitching to go for a long run, to get out of the house and breath for 2 hours. How weird is this? Who on Earth craves two hours of exercise? Huh.

Blah blech blah

Stupid. Ok. Two weeks ago I had a glitch in my Nike+ and accidently ran 10 miles instead of 12. But I'm a smart girl and I should have noticed that something was wrong when I finished in 2 hours instead of 2 hours and 30 minutes. But whatever.

So today I veered from the schedule on the advice of my trainer and did a 3 mile "fit test" instead of a 4 mile easy run. The plan was to warm up for a mile, sprint a mile, and cool down for a mile. Great. Awesome. Except for the sprint part. With only .09 left in the sprint mile I lost my breath and had to stop.

GRRRRRR!!!! Now I feel like I tanked a scheduled run AND didn't even get the cool accomplishment of finishing my fastest mile ever. I have no idea how fast I ran that mile.

So blah. Sometimes, it's just blah. And that's ok. None of this is about just one run. None of it is about just one day. Even April 30th isn't the biggest deal. The biggest deal is the sum of all the parts.

No, I can't even find much inspirational right now. Today was blah and that's it. Blah is ok. Maybe that's the inspiration. Should I print this out and post it on the wall?

"blah is ok"

Dear Me,

Just who do you think you are???

Love,
Me



We're still doing this? Yeah, we're still doing this.

We were in Montana last week. So... that happened. Lots of people said we looked good. Lots of people commented on the running. Lots of people were excited for us to run the marathon. There were also a few pictures, lots of crying, and very little sleep.

Now there are 50 days before the marathon. Do I have 50 more days of philosphical babbling about accomplishing goals in me? Sure I do.

And here is today's: Who do you think you are? I think about this a LOT while I'm running. I told the lady at the running store three times, "I'm not a runner." Which seems insane since I've logged over 800 miles in the last 3 years. I used to run on a treadmill at the Plevna community center staring at myself in the reflection of a TV chanting, "I am Molly's mom" (which anyway, Molly turned out to be Sawyer so that's what happened there). That chant has turned into, "I am Sawyer's mom" whenever I see my shadow stretched out in front of me.

I never thought I'd be the type of person who could run 12 miles. Or 14. Or 18, or 26.2. But I am. You're reading this- you know who I've been over the last 32 years. I've been a daughter, a friend, a co-worker, a student, a sister, a biology major, a theater major, a wife, a grad student (briefly), etc. etc. etc. I'm changing the way I define myself. I. Am. A. Runner.

Ok, I totally don't believe that. Not even a little. I just re-read it again, and I still don't believe it. But there are people who see me on the street and think, "There goes a runner." I'm not like my husband because I do think about how people see me. I wonder all the time what people think of me. While I run I've been trying to decide what I think of me.

See? I told you I still have plenty to write about.

Can you Hear me Now?

Today's run was 8 miles. I didn't get to rest yesterday, so I ran today on a semi-injured leg and foot. It was cold today. I didn't drink enough water. Sawyer fought taking a nap for 90 minutes. 2 miles into the run I had a choice- I could either turn left and make two, 4 mile loops. Or I could stay straight and run further from home, not giving myself an option of stopping early.

I kept going. Almost exactly halfway along the run, 4 miles from home, I had almost had it. I didn't really have a choice. I couldn't just stop, I couldn't walk that far.

A little old lady stepped out onto her porch, cupped her hands around her mouth and screamed into my ear as I ran by, "LOOKING GOOD!!!" I smiled like an idiot for 2 miles straight after that. Random old lady thinks I was looking good!!