Him: (Gasp!) You did it! Lucky.
Me: What are you talking about?
Him: You put the knife in a new jar of peanut butter.
Me: So?
Him: You made the first mark.
Me: So?
Him: You took the peanut butter's virginity.
Me: I don't want to think about my condiments as having orifices.
Him: Well, you just gave the peanut butter one.
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