So Gramma died this morning. Even harder than rushing back to Chicago when Stephan's mom was sick- I wish I could teleport home right now (I also wish my laundry was done, the dishes unloaded from the dishwasher, and the clutter on the kitchen table put away). Stephan's at work, so I'm home alone. On the outside this looks just like any other day for me... get ready for work on Monday, clean the house, make dinner, etc. etc.
But inside I feel like I'm trying to rush through all 5 stages of grieving in 2 hours. Maybe the coffee isn't helping. Maybe I've studied too much psychology. Maybe I should brave the -40F windchill and go for a walk (maybe not). Maybe I need to cry more- or less. Maybe she's sitting on the couch next to me scratching my back, and I'm just too human to feel it.
1 comment:
i am so sorry to hear of your loss.. i'm certain she's there with you, as you say.. my grandpa passed away about 10 days after i moved back to colorado from nevada, and i was unable to go back for the service.. so, i felt then much like you probably do now.. my dad sent me a cassette tape of the recorded memorial service about a week or so later, and while i was listening to it in my car on a random drive after work following one of those fabulous springtime colorado rainstorms.. the most beautiful double rainbow appeared.. and, i knew then that my grandpa was with me and always would be watching over me.. take comfort in that your grandma will always be watching over you and will scratch your back whenever you need.. whether you feel it or not :-)
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