Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Roommates and Friends

I'm starting this post with the non-offensive story first. Warning: After this story, things start to get real.

We got a hamster last week. Here is a list of things about hamsters you may not know:

1. Hamster is German for Hoarder. They hoard their food and it's kind of adorable.

2. Sawyer named the hamster Sweetie (which he pronounces Schweedie).

3. I totally love Sweetie. Watching her is more relaxing than anything else in the world.

4. I have never touched Sweetie.

5. I am scared to death of hamsters.

So having Sweetie in the house is a lot like those old episodes of Maury Povich (before paternity tests were so popular) where hypnotists treated people with phobias. I can watch her, but just the thought of her tiny face or claws touching my skin makes me start twitching. I'll keep you guys updated- but so far I love her from afar.

Now, here's where parents, and those under 18, should turn away. It's an Overheard: text message edition.

Me: :d

Me: I don't know what that is.

Clare: Tape mouth?

Me: It's a lower case d. So.... dickface?

Clare: But it looks like a roll of scotch tape. Dickface is more like :<>

Me: That's a vagina.

Clare: :<3 p="">
Me: :8=o

Clare: Yeas!

Me: I just handed the phone to Stephan and said, "We are trying to make a penis face. Help me." and he refused to look at the phone. He said he's glad I have you for a friend.

Clare: I feel like if he meant that HE'D BE HELPFUL!

Clare: Sometimes I also feel like if we posted our text conversations directly to a blog we'd be millionaires. With less friends, because of the smack we talk.

Me: Now he's doubting our collective creativity.

Clare: He's such a poser.

Me: I can post it, but it's a little racy for my running friends.

Clare: No. Don't post it on your blog. It should be its own anonymous nonsense.

Me: :-3=>

Clare: That's a dude with balls for a nose.

Me: I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting.



Annie Crow said...

With a beginning like that I had to read all the way through!

I am such a texting/emoticon neophyte. It seems like a lot of work to come up with something when you could just say "dickface". But glad you and Clare were able to come up with something to your satisfaction. And I agree with her, Stephen could have been more helpful. :) (The extent of my emoticons.)

Ali K. said...

I seriously miss having friends who weren't scared of a little vulgar texting. I'm enjoying living vicariously through yours haha!

... said...

Ali, WHEN you come to Chicago to run in the snow (yay!) you will have to drink wine with my friends. We might scare you about getting older, but I bet we could rival some 17 year old boys in our conversations.

We honestly text like 12 year old girls (who, I'm sad to learn, text a LOT).