I'm starting this post with the non-offensive story first. Warning: After this story, things start to get real.
We got a hamster last week. Here is a list of things about hamsters you may not know:
1. Hamster is German for Hoarder. They hoard their food and it's kind of adorable.
2. Sawyer named the hamster Sweetie (which he pronounces Schweedie).
3. I totally love Sweetie. Watching her is more relaxing than anything else in the world.
4. I have never touched Sweetie.
5. I am scared to death of hamsters.
So having Sweetie in the house is a lot like those old episodes of Maury Povich (before paternity tests were so popular) where hypnotists treated people with phobias. I can watch her, but just the thought of her tiny face or claws touching my skin makes me start twitching. I'll keep you guys updated- but so far I love her from afar.
Now, here's where parents, and those under 18, should turn away. It's an Overheard: text message edition.
Me: I don't know what that is.
Clare: Tape mouth?
Me: It's a lower case d. So.... dickface?
Clare: But it looks like a roll of scotch tape. Dickface is more like :<>
Me: That's a vagina.
Clare: :<3 p="">
Me: I just handed the phone to Stephan and said, "We are trying to make a penis face. Help me." and he refused to look at the phone. He said he's glad I have you for a friend.
Clare: I feel like if he meant that HE'D BE HELPFUL!
Clare: Sometimes I also feel like if we posted our text conversations directly to a blog we'd be millionaires. With less friends, because of the smack we talk.
Me: Now he's doubting our collective creativity.
Clare: He's such a poser.
Me: I can post it, but it's a little racy for my running friends.
Clare: No. Don't post it on your blog. It should be its own anonymous nonsense.
Clare: That's a dude with balls for a nose.
Me: I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting.
Clare: DO NOT GOOGLE HOW TO TEXT A DICKFACE!!!!!!!3>