Dear Future College Roommate of My Infant Son,
Hello. You haven't met me yet. I'm your roommate's mom. I hope you're enjoying his friendly demeanor and ability to find humor in all bodily functions. He is quite cute, and has a wonderful smile, which I'm sure you're aware of. I'm sorry he's probably charming the pants off of your girlfriend.
I'm also sorry he wakes up every four hours to eat. You should probably lock up your snack foods. He's been doing that since birth, and we never did figure out how to cure him of it. I'm sure the two of you get along great, since he loves boobs and you're in college now and you probably do too. Maybe you also share a love of stand-up comedy and classical music played on pretend xylophones. It is an uncommon fascination, but less annoying than living with someone who can only study when John Williams soundtracks are playing (true story!).
Good luck with him. I'm sad to have him out of the house, but it will definitely be fun to watch someone else try to sleep in the same room with his piggie-snorting sleep-breathing.