Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Not About Montana

- or -

All about the 7-411 (for those who get it)

So, internet, I've been keeping something from you. I know it's hard to believe that things go on that I don't write about. We've done homesickness, family deaths and illnesses, cancer, vacuum cleaners, dog poop, and meat-air. This is actually a little more personal, so bare with me if you want to, skip this post if you don't. Let me answer some questions first...

Question: Are you pregnant?
Answer: No.

Question: Do you like kids?
Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you want kids?
Answer: Yes.

Question: Do you promise to tell me right away if you are pregnant?
Answer: No.

Question: Are you planning on having kids soon?
Answer: Yeah, here's the deal with that...

(And first you have to know that Stephan is allowing this post only if I include the fact that I know this isn't as big of a deal to the universe as it is to me)

More than a year and a half ago Stephan and I decided we really would like to start a family. So we did all the things that married people do to try to start a family. After about 6 months of no luck we went to the doctor, who suggested a few things, which we tried. We hit the one-year mark with no luck yet, and that's when I started to get very sad (this is putting it mildly). I went back to the doctor, who had more suggestions, which we've tried. Stephan even got to go to his own doctor, who had no suggestions for us at all.

If you've ever met me you can imagine how frustrating this is for me. Usually when I want something, I get it/do it/make it happen. I'm also very good at following instructions. When they told me to "just relax" I focused on meditation, eating right, losing weight, taking vitamins (expensive buggers), and drinking water. So far we've done everything that isn't technically a fertility treatment (since those aren't covered by insurance), including some very interesting traditional tribal remedies.

I understand that we haven't exhausted all of our options yet, and that if it wasn't meant to be there's nothing I can do about it. I look forward to being in a financial & emotional place to adopt if that's where this is heading. I look forward to the day when I can post stories here about more than just how much I love my husband and dogs. I look forward to learning new things, facing new challenges, and watching my life completely taken out of my own control...

But I guess that's where I am now- not getting what I want, and being whiny about it. If you have some cheese, I'll take two slices please.


Melanie said...

I think you are very brave to share this and I know it took a lot for you to type it. I wish you both the best. Love you!

Dad & Mom said...

We sure do love you two alot and are looking forward to seeing you two next week! Don't forget your suits!
xx Dad and Mom Gavula

... said...

Thanks guys! It was really cathartic to type that all out, and I'm happily surprised that there weren't any snarky comments in response. I don't know if I'll write more about this or not- probably not though, since it's not really interesting to anyone but me.